The Fear No One Talks About When Adding Another Child To Your Family (Giveaway Included!)
I remember being pregnant with our second child, and so many days I battled with the fear of how to extend my love to another child. As the days came closer to our second child’s arrival I realized that no one talks about this. Guilt came over me as I thought I would never be able to love another the way I loved our first. I remember a feeling of sadness in my spirit when I thought of our days of three being cut short. Savoring each week leading up to adding another baby who would soon take the majority of my attention. Hopefully, this encourages you in how to be intentional when you add another child to your family. In how to combat the fear, and anticipate all the beauty that will come when you give your child a sibling.
From those last moments as just us three, something was born in my heart. A letter to the one who first called me mommy.
“As I sit here, with tears starting to line my cheeks, I think of you.
I think of the last morning we had, where you climbed in my lap with your “baba” and we rocked in the chair in your room that mommy has always complained about because it doesn’t rock well.
I think of the way you laid on my chest, with your baby brother still snuggled inside mommy’s tummy as you laid your Bugsy blankie next to him, and patted him.
I think of how we read a few of our favorite stories before we prayed for him, and you shut the books, and said “nye nye” and pointed to your crib for nap time.
Not every morning went like that. Actually, most mornings were rushing through, onto the next to-do item or adventure in hopes of a long afternoon nap.
Maybe 1 in 20 went the way this one did,
No one talks about what could happen when adding another child to your family.
Suddenly, I stopped, I noticed.
I noticed again the way you guzzled your bottle, with milk seeping out of the holes of where your teeth hadn’t yet grown in.
I watched the way you ran your fingers together, slowly wearing off the fuzz on your blankie, and rubbed it across your forehead.
I noticed the curls that have suddenly grown, almost reaching the back of your shoulders and the way your eyelashes twitch before your blankie grazes your nose.
I noticed you.
I always notice you.
I think of how brave you are.
I think of how our world is going to change in just a few days, or weeks…as we beginning integrating and adding another child to our family.
You will never know the way my heart grew when I first laid eyes on you.
From the moment mommy became my name and the way we fought for you in that hospital room.
You may never know the countless days I’ve felt unqualified for the name you gave me, and the name that I will never tire of hearing pour from your room in the mornings when you wake up, eager to give your first big squeeze hug of the day.
The moments I marvel at the gift you are, as you run down our gravel drive with daddy and get the mail, and in the simple moments, you steal my heart daily.
You’ll never know the fear I have of losing you to time, or for it slipping away from me slowly, as you grow.
…the fear of forgetting to savor these precious moments with you as many do when adding another child to their family.
But, I pray you’ll know of the adventures we’ve shared as just us two,
and the moments we’ll continue to have, as I promise to always notice you.
I pray you’ll know from stories of the first few nights home with you, and how we binged on DVR shows, and ate mac and cheese at 4:00 am, in hopes that in some way, that powdery fake cheese substance would give us superpowers, or a baby manual for life.
The first bath, sleepless nights, fevers, belly aches, and belly laughs.
Your first words, your first steps, squeeze hugs, and so easily falling into a full-time role of stealing our hearts.
And I know the gentle reminder will be your sad eyes, when you may see mommy and daddy rocking someone new, and sharing our time.
It may be in attention tantrums or needing your quality time back with us.
I promise to be intentional, to continue to pursue and fight for our time, to always notice you.
To marvel at the moments I never knew my heart could hold so dear, to remember that you’re still little, and you still need your mommy.
To the moments I will need to pick my beating heart off the floor, seeing you become “big sister” and learn of a whole new love, you may never have known existed, and I am so happy to give you that. Because adding another child to your family, to OUR family, maybe the best thing we ever do!
the name you first gave me.”
Today’s giveaway is all about handmade awesomeness!! This is your chance to win a custom handmade sign from the incredible folks over at Blue Peak Designs! Who doesn’t love these modern wooden signs, am I right?!? I know pretty much every wall in our house has at least one! 🙂 On top of that, we are also including two handmade leather-bound journals (a “his” and “hers” if you will) that are made with love from a local upholstery shop. These things are sleek!
Even though the giveaway is over, it’s not too late to share this post with a friend! If you know someone that this post would impact, encourage, or help, send it to them. After all, that’s what this is all about; let’s build each other up and walk through our journeys together!
We’re Matt and Dayna. Life Enthusiasts in the pursuit of a life enriched in God’s sustaining grace, empowering others to pursue the same. Two very imperfect people who wake up with bad breath, have days (sometimes weeks) of losing our patience, modeling to the world, each other, and our children, a life that points to Christ through our imperfection.
Most days you can find us chasing after our little heartbeats, Luella and Chase (4&2) This dynamic duo plays a big part in the heart behind The Pause Pursuit; a ministry empowering couples and families to slow down to pursue God and each other. In a media-saturated world, the comparison game is real, but so is real life. The Pause Pursuit is a safe place that combines the two. Where real life meets the sustaining power and pursuit of a real Jesus.
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