“People always say to me ‘I don’t know how you do it with two. I can’t do it with one.’

And I’ll always say, the first is your hardest.

And the other truth, no one has it all together.

I had never been more shocked, more overwhelmed and more sleep deprived ever in my life. Yes, two is hard.

But entering motherhood for the first time is like a tornado that swirls you in and spits you out. Those days are by far the hardest.

But what I do know is this; the days of feeling like you’ve been kicked up the who-ha, or had a baby forcefully removed from your abdomen are few and far between.

You can hug your baby, he can sleep in your arms, you can have a routine or not and nothing bad will come of it.

Some days you’ll shower, other days you’ll smell like an orangutan, picking fleas off your head.

Some days you’ll feel blessed, other days you’ll hate yourself for struggling because all you wanted was a baby.

But both are okay, neither makes you a bad mother.

Getting a babysitter, not getting a baby sitter, sleeping, passing your baby over to your partner like a football, or putting the baby down in her bed nice and safe while you take a minute – is ok.

Your mental health matters.

Your self-care is still important.

You’re still a person.

You don’t have to exhaust yourself to be a good mother.

You don’t have to lose yourself.

 

No one is cleaning their house every day.

No married couple is having sex every day.

No one has it all together.

Even if we try to hold it all together.

We still fall short, and that’s ok.

We are ALL losing our crap.

Even Becky with the good hair.

I’ve had a c section that was hard work, a vaginal birth that was hard work.

I’ve formula fed, breastfed, exclusively pumped, donor fed my babies – all of its hard work.

All of it is amazing, and yet my kids still scream bloody murder at the wrong time, throw tantrums and eat off the floor.

All three. Don’t beat yourself up.

I’ve never fought more with my husband, ever.

Two ships sailing in the night. But you meet again, I promise.

So, I don’t know how I do it with two, three, four or more,  and I don’t know how you do it with one but the fact is, we ARE doing it, and we are doing it FRICKIN FANTASTIC.

You’re amazing. Through the tears, the no-nap days, the first steps, you’re amazing.

Don’t ever second guess it because those little turds, they never do.

 

 

*this story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared.