I Don’t Help My Wife
I’ve been thinking for some time now about our roles in society. Our cultural “norms” when it comes to marriage. Specifically when it comes to help.
More specifically, for us men.
Why are so many household chores just assumed?
What are these presumed gender roles that so many of us are taught (intentionally or unintentionally)?
The other day I heard a guy tell his buddy how nice it was of him to “help his wife out” after he did the dishes.
Dudes, my question is, why do we consider it “helping” when we do the dishes or the laundry?
Last time I checked, I need to eat too.
I need clean clothes too.
I don’t help my wife anymore.
It’s not “HELPING”!
I’m not doing Dayna a favor when I vacuum or fold the laundry.
It’s not her job.
In fact, I’m pretty confident that she could handle all of the household chores just fine without me.
She doesn’t NEED my help.
What she needs is a partner.
Marriage is a partnership. A team.
So, next time, before you think to “help” out your wife with one of “her” chores (ladies this goes for you presuming things about us too), get that mindset out of your head and just do the task.
She’s your teammate, not your roommate.
Tackle stuff TOGETHER.
Your purpose as a man is far greater than simply making money to put food on the table.
Strive for more. Be more. Do more.
Let’s change our cultural norms one healthy home at a time. Let’s teach our sons and daughters what a real man looks like. What a real marriage looks like.
PS, don’t get me wrong, if you both have already sat down and determined certain tasks that each of you will handle independently, then that’s a different story.
Sometimes, with the busyness of life, a schedule, plan, and/or pre-defined agreement is the best thing you can do for sanity. Especially if you both work. Organization and planning go a long way in keeping up with life.
This needs to be a conversation though. Not just something you assume based on cultural norms or stereotypical gender roles that might not be realistic for your season of life.
So many of the long-held traditions in our society are traditions and assumptions from hundreds of years ago. That, on top, of our masculine-dominated, macho-man culture have all combined to lead to some pretty silly (and honestly senseless) “norms” and expectations.
So moral of the story…talk to your spouse!
We’re Matt and Dayna. Life Enthusiasts in the pursuit of a life enriched in God’s sustaining grace, empowering others to pursue the same. Two very imperfect people who wake up with bad breath, have days (sometimes weeks) of losing our patience, modeling to the world, each other, and our children, a life that points to Christ through our imperfection.
Most days you can find us chasing after our little heartbeats, Luella and Chase (4&2) This dynamic duo plays a big part in the heart behind The Pause Pursuit; a ministry empowering couples and families to slow down to pursue God and each other. In a media-saturated world, the comparison game is real, but so is real life. The Pause Pursuit is a safe place that combines the two. Where real life meets the sustaining power and pursuit of a real Jesus.
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