10 Ways to Increase Spiritual Intimacy In Marriage This Valentine’s Day

On a “holiday” so focused on love, what better gift could you give your spouse, yourself, or the true lover of your soul more than the gift of spiritual intimacy!?

Now, before you write this off, I am not talking about sexual intimacy, though spiritual intimacy plays a bigger part in sexual intimacy than many realize.

Spiritual intimacy is a sense of unity and mutual commitment to God’s purpose for our lives and marriage. It’s the greatest depth of intimacy we experience in marriage because it’s a love and longing that goes beyond ourselves, and straight to the heart of the One that created us.

To the degree that we are spiritually intimate with our spouse, is the degree we will experience God’s love through our marriage, and to a watching world who needs to see us love like Jesus. It’s the ultimate spiritual bond of becoming one.

Many times, we are so busy meeting the immediate needs of our spouse, of our children, going to work, taking care of our physical bodies, yet we tend to neglect our spiritual ones. But the truth is, without true spiritual intimacy, our marriages will crumble. Deep inside there will feel like something is missing because God did not create marriage solely for our happiness. He created marriage to be a reflection of Him. God designed our marriages to deepen our joy in Him as we dig into the promises of His Word and purpose for our marriage.

A couple holding hands with heart balloons about to kiss in a city. - Quote image: 10 Ways to increase Spiritual Intimacy in Your Marriage | The Pause Pursuit


10 Ways to Increase Spiritual Intimacy In Your Marriage:

    1. Commit to grow spiritually as a couple: write it down. This may feel silly, but if you and your spouse can both commit to growing spiritually as one, and as individuals, you invite the Holy Spirit in to transform even the darkest areas of your marriage.
    2. Begin praying for and with each other daily, and for your marriage: Cultivate a space to become vulnerable with one another, and have an open communication line for what you prayed together about. Follow up, keep a journal of things you’ve prayed for, and promises you’ve seen come to pass in your marriage.
    3. Text an encouraging sermon, Bible verse, or affirming note to each other daily. The timing of these can be vital.  Does your spouse have an important meeting or doctor appointment? Did you hear something and is the Holy Spirit speaking to you to encourage your spouse with what you just heard? Never underestimate God’s perfect timing to love your spouse through you, and how powerful these little affirmations can be daily in your marriage.
    4. Read a daily couple’s devotional or listen to a marriage podcast together and make time to discuss it. You can do this either together or individually. Ideally, you would do this together, but if you aren’t able to, then do it individually and set regular times to discuss what you read or listen to, and how the Lord may be using it to transform your heart.
    5. Set spiritual goals as a couple. We are so busy with “goal setting” in the first few months of the year, but how many of those have to do with your marriage? These can be daily, weekly, monthly, and/or annual goals. For example, your goals could focus on committing to pray more together, memorizing scripture, serving in a ministry together,  joint daily time with the Lord, etc.
    6. Serve together at your church. Serving as a couple has benefits that go beyond bonding, contentment, and peace. There’s a sweet intimacy that comes with ministering together, or giving together to those in need. Couples who embrace God’s call to serve others, experience an added closeness, and there are special moments and memories that naturally come when you do things together. (see Susan Mathis’ Serving Together as a Couple)
    7. Start or join a couple’s Bible study/Attend a Marriage Retreat. Life change often happens in the context of relationships, and having other Godly couples you can do life with is vital to a thriving marriage and spiritual walk. There are so many great resources online that can lead you through the Word of  God, and allow a great time for you and other married couples to come together and encourage one another in a time where marriage in society is under attack.
    8. Watch a movie together that is faith-based. Take “Netflix and Chill” to the next level (spiritually!) Cuddle up and watch a faith-based movie together. (Some of our favorites are Breakthrough, Fireproof, War Room, and I Can Only Imagine) Talk about what you liked (or disliked), the questions it raised for you, or things you plan to change as a result.
    9. Memorize Scripture together. The Bible talks often about combating lies in your life with the written word of God. For “all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” –2 Timothy 3:16 Choose passages that are particularly relevant or meaningful to you and your spouse in this season, and share why. Also, check out the S.O.A.P journaling method!
    10. Develop a regular, frequent, and passionate sex life. God-intended sex is original blessing, not original sin. However, culture has taken a sacred thing, that was meant to be shared between husband and wife, and perverted it into 50 shades of who knows what. This is teaching the perversion of the original blessing between husband and wife. As God intended, sexuality is the physical representation of becoming one, and requires vulnerability and selflessness.


Father, help us to daily seek Your guidance in our marriage and grow our hearts in revelation towards spiritual intimacy. Show us how to prioritize each other and our relationship with You, that will then bring stability to our children, and unity as a family. I pray that where there have been walls, that You would guide us to be vulnerable. Where there has been hurt, show us to forgive the way You do. Where there has been grief, we invite You to heal the wounds that only You can heal. Lord, forgive us for relying upon our spouse to fill a need, or heal a wound that only YOU can. We invite You into our marriage and ask You to help us cultivate a bond that breeds spiritual intimacy as one. We pray You would keep our vision close to our hearts so that in the moments of chaos and discord, we can allow each other the same peace and grace that only You can give. In Jesus name, amen.  

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